Choices
by csi gsr freak
Summary: The crew (Mostly Bug and Lily) make some choices.


Disclaimer: I do not own the Crossing Jordan characters, just the plot and title... etc.  
  
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*Bug's POV* I sat at my desk and sighed. I had been thinking about my life again. Once, when I was little, I remember sitting on my mothers lap, with my brother on the other knee, and she was reading us Cinderella from the Prince's point of view, though this story was chronologically displaced.  
I hate sitting at home or at my desk and thinking over everything. How my brother had died and it was my fault, or how Lily didn't like me and it was my fault... how the world wasn't perfect and it was my fault... etc. Everything was my fault. Sometimes I hate myself for not being good enough for Lily.  
"Okay, calm down, breath, and stop blaming yourself for everything. Oh, great. I'm talking to myself."  
"Buggers, where are you?" Nigel said, taunting me with his little "pet" name. I hate it when he does that. "Hello, love. How's your day been?" He said sarcastically, after finding me in my oh-so-conspicuous hiding place.  
I gave him my best "My life is filled with sunshine and daisies and little pink fuzzy bunnies" look, which seriously, worked on no one. Then, just my luck, Lily, of all people came midway through my "look".  
"Bug, what's wrong? You look more depressed than normal. Nigel, you didn't call him Buggers did you, because that sounds a whole lot like boogers. You didn't commit a crime, did you Bug, because though I do love you and you are one of my bestest friends; I refuse to bail you out of jail. Well, in all fairness to reality, I would. But I would make you stay in there for a while so that you would lear-"  
"Lily, please stop. I did not commit a crime, I am not going to jail, and I lo..."  
"Definitely... what? What were you gonna say? You can tell me. Oh, right. Nigel, please leave so that Bug and I might hold a civil conversation."  
"Alright. No kissing now."  
"Sicko. Thank you. Bye. We won't. I think. Just joking. Leave, bye, see you later."  
Lily pulled up a chair and just sat there and stared at me, with those big brown eyes, well auburn really. She was obviously waiting for me to start.  
"Um, nothing is the matter. My life is just as full of sunshine, daisies, and pink fuzzy bunnies as is usual." I said with an unconvincing smile.  
"Ok, you either got really drunk and are having the side effects, or you are a really bad liar. You're a bad liar. So, spill the truthful beans."  
"I was just thinking about how depressing life and its contents are." For some weird reason I found myself holding her hand. Well, her wrist really.  
"Ow, ow. Bug, could you let go of my wrist? Ow." Her sleeve fell down showing cuts on her wrist.  
"Lily, what are these?"  
"Their just cuts, Bug. I was cooking and the knife slipped." She said, still in pain because I hadn't let go of her wrist.  
"Lily, tell me the truth. Right now."  
"I... ow... am telling the truth, please let go. Ow." She said through gritted teeth.  
"Lily, if you don't tell me, I will be forced to get very angry with you and I don't want to be angry at you." I whispered in a dangerously low voice. She obviously knew I meant business. But then, she started to stand up. I knew it would be rude to yank her back down, but she needed to tell someone, and I wanted her to trust me.  
"Lily, please sit down. I didn't mean to do that. It just... came out. Please just let's talk."  
She sat back down, but her loose hand had knocked the light switch. And that caused some... awkward thoughts.  
"Okay. You first, though, because I don't want to."  
"Well, I was thinking about how much life really stinks and how my brother... I mean, how my life is so... indescribable. I don't know what to call it."  
"Bug, what did you say before you said that stuff about your life? If you don't tell me, I won't tell you anything anymore."  
"I was thinking about how my brother died."  
"Tell me. You know you can trust me. I won't tell anyone, but please, just tell me." Her eyes pleaded with mine; though they were hardly visible in the dim light.  
My eyes fogged over, and my voice turned to... almost a machine sound. "One day, I was alone with my brother. It was raining outside. My parents were out of the house and they had left me in charge. My brother and I were sitting there watching TV, probably the news, I don't remember, and he said he was hungry. I left the room to make him a sandwich. For some weird reason, rain is so tempting to little kids. There is always that one moment when you're not looking and they slip outside. He was a little kid. I left, and he went outside. I didn't hear the door, but I heard the breaks. And I heard the scream. That scream of a small child. My parents always blamed me for it. You could see it in their eyes."  
"Oh, Bug. It wasn't your fault." She said, her hand wiping  
"Right. So what about you? What's up with those cuts?"  
"Nobody knew this, but Garret and I were dating again for a while and then he broke up with me... again. Anyway, I was hurt so bad that I needed to vent it so I cut my wrist. But I won't do it again, I swear. It hurt so badly, and I bled everywhere. I don't want to do it again, but I keep thinking that I'm always going to be alone and I don't want to be alone. I need somebody."  
"You have me." I said in an inaudible whisper.  
"Huh? What did you say?" She said, half drowning on the tears that were now streaming down her face. Ok, maybe not so inaudible.  
"What? Oh, nothing. Now, don't cry, Lily, please, because then you'll start me crying." I said, a smile sneaking its way across my countenance. My hand automatically reached for her eyes to stem the flow of the tears.  
"Okay, deep breathe, and... I'm calm. No more crying. So thank you for listening to me. Now seriously, what did you say after I said that I need somebody."  
"I said you have us, all of us here at work. We'll always be there for you. No matter what, we'll all help you through anything."  
Her smile seemed to light up the whole world, though I knew that wasn't humanly possible. She looked so happy. She sat in her chair for a little while longer, then stood up and left. But not before she looked back at me, smiled, and squeezed my hand. I smiled up at her (I've grown accustomed to looking up at everyone.) then looked down.  
  
*Lily's POV*  
"He was so sweet. He must really care about me if he wants to know stuff like that. Too bad he doesn't like like me though, isn't it?" I thought. This morning, I woke up, put on my "face" and my smile that will stay there all day. No one really cares how I feel. Except maybe Bug cares. He is pretty sweet. Like when he took me to the soup kitchen last Christmas to make me feel better. Nigel came over to me.  
"Love, what's wrong. You look... either sick, in pain, or happy. I can't tell. Because you usually are happy, but this doesn't look like the usual happy."  
"That's because I'm happier than usual." I said, than walked away. Unfortunately, I walked into Garrets office (on purpose. I needed to give him the file I had been holding this whole time) just as Maggie started to take her clothes off (his already gone). My obvious reaction was to run as fast as I could, but it was as if my feet were rooted to the floor. I covered my eyes as fast as I could. As soon as one body part worked, the rest did, which meant I was no longer rooted and ran for my life. But not fast enough. Garret saw me and he looked mad.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Why is Garret mad at Lily? Because she saw or because of what she heard? Find out next chapter. **Mwhahahahahaha** Please R&R. I won't write till I get... 5 reviews minimum. Then I post it. 


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